Cow-Boy

Dear Diary,

When I write this, it seems as if you are the only one who can understand me. Because I didn’t open up to anyone about this. It is so unfair. I mean, it is not my fault at all. Okay, I am afraid of dark, and of ghosts, so what? Even grown ups are. What do they call it? Some blah blah phobia. And then even researchers, media show documentaries showing ghosts, unnatural happenings. What can one do if one is affected by all such hype?

The reason why I am writing this is in our moral science period today, our teacher suggested a novel method to get rid of all unpleasant memories. When she started, I felt as if Nikhil had told her too of what happened that one fateful, horrible night. But thank God, no! She said you must write down everything on a piece of paper and then bury it. In this way, the bad memories too get buried and you feel all happy. Hope it works. Not that I doubt it, Roshni Ma’am is too good.

It all began after my 12^th birthday party, while we were clearing up the mess. I was taunting Nikhil that he didn’t give me any gift.

“ Oh yes, I am gonna give it to you,” he said, smiling slyly.

Honestly, I was taken aback. He had never given me even a chocolate, let alone bigger things. But I pretended to be excited. “ Whassit?” I asked, my mouth stuffed with the remaining of chocolate cake.

“ Hey, I wanted that.” Nikhil darted at some crumbs, but I was too fast and gobbled up them too and flashed him a chocolaty smile.

“ I am so gonna pay you back for that,” Nikhil said angrily.

“ No fighting both of you. Nikhil, spare your younger brother at least today, its his birthday,” Mom chided him as she wiped the dining table clean.

“ Anyway, what are you giving me?”

“ How about a slap?”

“ Go to hell.”

“ Okay, I’ll tell you.”

I looked at him eagerly. “ I am gifting you fearlessness,” he said grandly.

“ Uh, okay. Thank you, but no thank you.” I wasn’t half let down. He’s hopeless.

“ No, I am serious,” he continued. “ From today onwards, you are going to sleep in your room. Alone.” He said the last word menacingly that I almost shuddered.

“ No way.”

But Nikhil was damn serious this time, unlike the last few times, when I always managed through mom to sleep with her and dad. And apparently, last time we had this argument, I was made to promise that I would sleep alone after my 12^th birthday. I don’t even remember when I had promised. But this time, even mom stubbornly sided Nikhil saying now I was old enough to learn to sleep alone. “ But I said after. Its still my 12^th birthday day,” I pleaded in vain.

I heard 11 dongs in the living room.

I dug deeper into my quilt, sobbing silently, all lights still on, cursing Nikhil for his inhuman deed. What a perfect gift. I could have said I hate him, except for one fact- I don’t. I won’t be surprised if I remain awake all night, I thought. Sleep, come. Sleep, come, I chanted like a mantra. Half an hour later, I was still awake.

Suddenly, the door opened. I stopped breathing, petrified. Maybe the ghost will mistake me for dead and go away. I heard a click and then everything turned pitch black. I heard the door shut again. Shit, I thought, mom must have put off the lights. Shall I put them on again, I wondered. Slowly, I rose, quilt around me for warmth. I landed a foot down the floor and heard a crack. I muffled a scream and quickly hopped back into bed. Oh woe! Something broke, I realized. It was not just a toy, but also the little courage I had gathered.

Okay, think of something nice, I instructed myself. Pokemon! What’s gonna happen to Pikachu after he suffers a near fatal injury? I chewed over it for next 10 minutes. After it got boring, I switched over to Naruto and then Ninja Hathori. But each time I tried closing my eyes, evil objects, ghosts flew towards me, claws outstretched, ready to kill me. So I had to keep my eyes open all the time.

But after a while, things tend to get boring. Moreover ceiling is no TV. How many times you can replay the same old flashes you remember of cartoons on a blank discouraging blackened surface? And then ‘ The Dreaded’ swept over me. A loud bark from a stray dog started it all.

I was thirsty, but too scared to go to kitchen. So I was visualizing a kick by the Ninja to take my mind off the dryness in my throat when two loud “ Woof Woof”s shook me up. Somehow, they reminded me of Minotaur. There can also be a creature as half dog half human, I thought. Worse, half dog, half ghost. Or ghostly dog! The drooling dog, with sharp and long canines, hunting for innocent kids to prey over, no gun can work on it, every missile passes through it. Even Pikachu’s deadly Thunderbolt Attack rebounds killing Pikachu himself. The evil-est of all. Dog-ghost. Or maybe, Dogost. Or Dost. Friend. Ha!

I smiled, momentarily. The savage beast disappeared. Even he is a friend. Man’s best friend. A friendly image of a Pomeranian appeared, wagging his tail. But that didn’t quench my thirst.

Finally I rose again. This time, with a fresh energy. What can happen? I am fearless. Nikhil has been sleeping in his room alone for ages. Each day he wakes up unharmed. How unfortunate. But if he can, I am no less.

I admire myself even today that I walked all the way to the door of my room and switched on the light. I turned back and discovered the crack I heard a few minutes ago was that of my Game boy. Despairing, I walked back and inspected it. It was working and seemed all right, save for the crack on its cover. I cursed Varun. Yes, he was playing it. He must have kept it so irresponsibly there, near the foot of my bed. I thought of all kinds of things I wanted to do to him. First, a punch. Then a kick, full-on Ninja style, on his shins. Ah, pleasure.

I kept the Game boy in my toy desk and went back to my door. Slowly, I opened it. It was all dark. Okay, Aditya. Here is a chance to prove to yourself you are not a coward. Kitchen is a corridor away. The light to the corridor is five steps away.

Step 1- put on the corridor light.

Step 2- enter the kitchen, the switches being near the door, it won’t be too difficult to switch on kitchen light.

Step 3- instead of drinking water from a glass, smuggle a bottle inside your room, de-lighting each light.

I smiled at my innovative usage of the word delight. See, I can be brave, by distraction.

It went all fine, until Nikhil appeared, out of the blue, no, black. “ Thirsty, my coward little bro?”

“ I am no coward, okay? See, I came all the way to kitchen by myself.”

“ You sure? You got no savior angel in your pocket to protect you?” Nikhil mocked me. What else can you expect from him?

“ Leave me alone. And again, I am no coward.”

“ Oh puleez mummee, let me sleep with you, just for today, I promise from tomorrow I’ll sleep in my room,” Nikhil gave a pathetic imitation of me. I don’t flap my hands when I talk.

“ I am not afraid, all right?” I had flared up now. “ Of anything.” I added, unnecessarily.

Nikhil caught it and rubbed it in. “ Anything, eh?”

“ Yeah,” my unsure interior miraculously put on a confident exterior.

“ Okay then. Good night.”

Wow, this was unexpected. He’s letting me go so easily? My stars are shining brightly today, I mused as I reached back into my room and gazed out of the window. Yep, Sirius had many companions tonight.

I took a sip from the bottle and flopped down the bed. I was feeling tired. I relaxed my mind. So far so good, I thought. I leaned back on my day’s events. Had a great day, I concluded. Woke up and was showered with kisses from both mom and dad, who gifted me a PS 3. Even Nikhil was present there, wishing me a “ Happy birthday, punk.” Went to The Renaissance for lunch. Kung-fu Panda followed, Nikhil groaning all through it did irritate me though. At 6, all friends came and loaded my room with presents. Loud music in the background, a party entertainer was hired that kept us all amused. Had fun till 9 when he left and then we talked about oh no, horror stories. No, I don’t wanna think about it, I prayed feverishly, but then my attempts couldn’t suffocate the thoughts of the star of the night-the legend of Bloody Mary.

She scratches your eyes out, if you look at the mirror and chant her name 3 times with a candle in your hand, Naman had said. But you can see her only in a mirror. I glanced at my dressing table, its mirror. Did I see something in it? Something slithering towards a bed, my bed. I traced the reflection to the body. Yes, something was slithering. Towards me, I sat up and stared at it, my mouth agape, my breath grew faster, as the figure rose up, it towered over me. It had protruding canines and bloodshot eyes; the jaws were wide open and claws raised, with sharp fingernails. I couldn’t utter a word. My tongue was glued to the roof of my mouth. It neared. And its face touched mine. It was rock solid.

I regained my voice and uttered the most sonic shriek. But that did something to the creature. It fell back, to the floor and laughed. Laughed. Guffawed. Rolled on the floor, its hands hitting the floor at periodic intervals. Finally, after eternity, it recovered, more so because I had started hitting it. No, not it, but him. I wanted to cause him as much pain as I could for making me jump out of my skin with a mask and fake fingernails.

“ Aren’t afraid of anything, eh?” Nikhil chuckled as he closed the door behind him.

Before my 12^th birthday, he used to call me kiddie, which he had promised to abandon after I become an oldest tween. After the birthday, he graduated to coward. Then he innovated tag ‘Cow-kid’. He could call me a kid, a coward and taunt my fatness too. After I took objection to being called a kid and reminded him of the promise, it got worse. He invented ‘Cow-Boy’. It implies eunuch (cow is feminine, boy is masculine) too, along with the last two clauses of ‘Cow-Kid’. Oh, I so hate (no, not hate. Then, umm, whatever) him.

God, I sincerely pray to you, please let this memory decompose too, along with this paper.

Aditya closed the diary, marched to the backyard and started digging with the shovel he managed to sneak off the gardener’s toolbox. But his mind gave him no respite. Suppose even if this gets decomposed, it can’t make the soil fertile. These are unpleasant memories. Do you want to harm the plants by depressing them? Besides, there is a chance that someone might be seeing you now and digs this up and teases you for your entire life. Nikhil’s gone back to hostel, thank God for temporary relief, but you want the tale to spread in the whole building?

No, Aditya decided. I am not that brutal to harm the plants and not that silly to bury it here. But then, where?

That night-

“ Good news Aditya,” Dad was less tired and more cheery tonight. “ Our office is having a conference in Goa and I am gonna take you all there too.”

Here!

***

Aditya walked to the deck of the cruise ship. He was holding the diary in his hand, as he neared the edge. Cool, steady breeze flirted with his hair. No land was in sight; they had come a long way from the coast. Deep blue sky and rippling water dominated the environment. He had to squint his eyes as he faced the setting sun. The moment has come, Aditya realized and he stretched back his hand and flung the diary as far as he could.

Now what can happen to the diary? Maybe it will sink to some unknown depths or if extremely lucky, the waves might flow it to some island where the people might read the anecdote of some child in fascination, maybe shed a tear or two for what he was subjected to. Or probably even laugh.

“ Sadists,” Aditya cursed the people in the figment of his imagination as we turned back and followed his shadow on his way back to his room in the ship, feeling considerably lighter. “ Phew! Good riddance.”